Category Archives: Diabetes Humor

Who Can Test Their Blood Sugar the Fastest?

Let’s race.

Last week I went to a camp with my whole family. It’s a part of my church so many of the same people go every year. For example, these two guys, Collin and Tom go every year that I’ve been there. Tom is the dad and Collin is the kid. And they both have Type 1 Diabetes. So naturally we are best buddies.

I proposed that we have a race of “who can test their blood sugar the fastest”. I knew that Tom would win, because he has had diabetes for a lot longer then either Collin or me. But I thought it would be fun.

We raced. I won. By a lot. But I stalled so it would be closer. But it was still fun. And I highly recommend that everyone does this with their friends. It is so much fun!

Sincerely,

Claire Montgomery
The Winner, Unbeatable, Type 1 diabetic

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Evidence

I sense a diabetic in the house. (Let’s pretend that it isn’t me.)

Moment of truth, guys. Do you find test strips all over your house? I know I do.

Diabetes test strip

The test strip didn’t quite make it into the trash can.

 

Diabetes test strip

Test strip on the stairs.

 

Diabetes test strip

Holy cow it is on the piano.

 

Diabetes test strip

In the garage? You’ve got to be kidding me.

 

Diabetes test strip

By the TV remote. This just gets weirder and weirder.

 

Diabetes test strip

I think our friend the test strip is browsing online for different blood types.

 

My family and I went to visit my grandfather in Delaware. And he was getting annoyed because he kept finding random test strips all over the house. So before we left my dad and I decided to hide them all over the house in deliberate locations.

Diabetes test strip

The toaster really confused him.

 

Diabetes test strip

I really would have liked to see his face.

 

Diabetes test strip

On the door handle.

 

Diabetes test strip

If you want to confuse your grandparents, this is how to do it.

Places not photographed include under the glass of his coffee table. I would pay to get a picture of when he discovered that one.

Where do you find your test strips? Comment to let me know!

Sincerely,

Claire Montgomery
Type 1 diabetic, Blood sugar tester, Prankster

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Insulin Pump Clips

broken insulin pump clip

Broken insulin pump clip.

Recently I’ve been investigating some handy ways to store your pump when you don’t have a clip. Mine broke. I was upset. What do you do with your pump when you don’t have pockets or a clip? (For some reason pockets that are actually usable doesn’t make sense with girl fashion. Don’t ask me why. I don’t know.)

The most obvious answer is to store it under your waistband. You think it would be strong and tight enough to hold the pump up. Or not.

Recently I’ve found that it’s best to store just under your underwear, but still in the waistband of your pants. For some reason that holds the pump up.

But you might not want to run or jump or really do any erratic movements while not having a clip. Or you might find yourself pump site-less. Not that it happened to me, which was pretty lucky.

Good luck!

Sincerely,

Claire Montgomery
Type 1 diabetic, diabetes blogger, pump clip-less

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My Closet is a Pharmacy

Literally.

So before I had the pump we used to shove all of my diabetes supplies in this one cabinet in the kitchen. And it didn’t really work out to well because it was just messy and cramped and unorganized and you couldn’t find anything. It came to the point where I was finding my supplies, and then shutting the door real fast so nothing would fall out. Basically what I would call a mess.

So a while ago I got tired of having all of my diabetes supplies fall out of the cabinet whenever I needed anything, and also I couldn’t fit anything else into the cabinet anymore. So I decided to move everything into my closet. And it turned out to be a really good idea.

Now everything is organized, and I have enough space. And I also get to freak my friends out whenever we look at clothes. And now my closet is no longer a closet, it’s a pharmacy. Which is awesome. Not many people get bragging rights over having a real pharmacy (well, real in my mind) in their CLOSET. Nope. So far I am the only person I know who calls the location of where they keep diabetes stuff a pharmacy. And that makes me awesome. To me at least.

So how do you store your diabetes things? Share your thoughts by commenting.

Sincerely,

Claire Montgomery
Type 1 Diabetic, Teenage Pharmacist

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Luke Skywalker Recently Diagnosed With Diabetes

Thanks to my brother.

I am slowly becoming re-obsessed with Star Wars. Me included, but especially my brother. So naturally, the three of us siblings (Claire, Ben and Paige) were talking about Star Wars while washing the dishes.

I honestly don’t know how we got talking about blogging, but I’m almost positive that it involved my brother and sister making fun of me because I blog. They think it’s stupid because there isn’t any money involved.

But then Ben was all like, “Hey, it would be funny if it was Star Wars and Diabetes. Like, may the needles be with you.”

I thought that that was hilarious. And it is. And now I have a new catch phrase.

To all diabetics: May the needles be with you!!

Sincerely,

Claire Montgomery
Type 1 Diabetic, Insulin Independent, Star Wars lover

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My Favorite Diabetes Posts

So, I’ve been searching on the internet lately for other diabetes blogs, and I’ve realized that there is a lot of them. That should have been obvious, but nope, I actually had to do some research to find out that simple fact. I’ve run into some pretty good posts, so I thought I would put up a list of them. Most of them involve humor, but others are just plain old good stories. I hope you take the time to read a couple of them!

1. There’s a pretty popular blog that’s written by Kerri Morrone Sparling. I was looking around her blog, and I found this HILARIOUS post called Diabetes Terms of Endearment: Edition 1. This post was actually written six years ago, but I laughed so hard that I cried. Kerri’s current website can be found here.

2. Micah Marie Lynch is 19, and she paints pump caps and sells them, and donates some of her money to diabetes charities! Way to go! Read about her here.

3. Michael Park is a composer who is writing an opera about diabetes. That itself is pretty awesome. He needs some help from other diabetics, so visit his website!

4. Boy, I am into music! This blog is written by a number of people, and this post is about a musical about diabetes. I thought it was pretty cool.

5. Here is a poem written by Kerri Morone Sparling for diabetes on Valentines Day. I thought it was REALLY FUNNY. And I loved it! Click this link.

There’s only five, but hopefully you’ll enjoy them if you take the time to read them. Thanks!

Sincerely,

Claire Montgomery
Type 1 Diabetic, Teenage Diabetic Blogger, Blog Collector

A Diabetic’s Idea of a Joke | Take 2

On my last post, I had a list of funny things that have happened to me because of diabetes. This time, I have other peoples’ stories. Thanks for all of your input!

Click this link if you want to read the first post of funny diabetic stories.

When I was little my dad gave me a shot (I had a insulin pen) he tried to put the cap back on, but he was having a little bit of trouble so I suggested that he should try and take the needle off first. :D
-Arielle

About 5 years ago (after I’d had Type 1 diabetes for over 20 years) my dad sent me an article with a hand-written note that said, “Good news, Hon! You can now take a pill for your diabetes!” The article was about some new oral medication for Type 2 diabetes. I guess my dad was paying about as much attention in our first diabetes class as I was…..But it was a nice thought…
-Anonomous

” The 12 mile needle” —My best friend Mike and were setting out for a 2 night backpacking trip to Sandy Beach Lake in Rocky Mountain National Park. We drove to Estes Park, and began our 6 mile 3,000 ft climb to the lake and our campsite for the next 2 days. After a long hard hike with a 45 pound pack, we got to camp around dinner time. That is when I realized that I did not pack any needles. AHHHH!!! Since it was getting dark, I figured I could make it throgh the night if I kept my carb intake light. The next morning we woke up, left our gear, and headed for the ranger station at the trail head. I figured If I could just get one needle, I could make it work for the rest of the trip. Once at the ranger station, I might as well have been a crackhead asking for a crack pipe. It seemed that the ranger did not beleive I was diabetic, even though I had my insulin and testing gear. After an hour of arguing with him, he gave me the biggest needle you have ever seen. It sucked!! It hurt!! But it worked!! Trip on!! We hiked another 6 miles back to camp in time for lunch and lots of high altitude fishing.
-Tom

My husband and I just moved into a new house 2 days prior. It was a beautiful August Sunday morning, my husband just left for 18 holes of golf and I was just waking up. I decided to take in our new view by stepping out onto our balcony off of our 2nd story master bedroom. It was gorgeous, looking into the trees and mountains. After about 5 minutes, I decided I wanted to head back into the house and start my day. I turned around to open the door, but it was locked. I didn’t remember it being locked when I walked out, but sure enough I was locked out on a 2nd story deck, the size of a small bathroom. I looked over one edge of the deck, where we have a deck below, but it looked way to far down to jump. I was staying fairly calm at this point thinking “no big deal, I will find a way down”. I climbed on the other side of the deck railing and thought I might be able to wrap my legs around the large wooden beams holding the deck up. I must have hoped my legs were longer than they were, because that wasn’t going to work either! I feel my pump vibrate, so I look down and my sensor was alarming “LOW BG 70.” Then the panic set in. What am I going to do now, in my pajamas locked out on the 2nd story deck with my husband gone for at least the next 4 hours and a low BG!!!! AHHHHH!!!! I decided the next best thing was to try and pick the lock. Mind you, I have no experience it doing so, but I had a charm on my bracelet that might work. After struggling and struggling and no luck, I feel my breathing rate starting to increase and I started to feel shaky and lightheaded, like I needed sugar!  All there was left to do was yell. Now picture a rural area with tall pine trees and very few houses, about 1-2 acre lots. There weren’t too many people to yell for, but I had to try. Now what could I yell that would get someone’s attention, like a new neighbor that I haven’t even met yet?!!? “I HAVE DIABETES, HHHHEEELLLLLPPPPP!!!!!” “I AM STUCK ON MY DECK, HHHHHHHEEEEEELLLLLLPPPPPP!” After repeating and repeating those phrases for what felt like an hour, but was actually 10-15 minutes, finally I see my neighbor from the house below me come outside. As soon as I see him, I started yelling “UP HERE, UP HERE, HELP ME!” and waving my hands. Fortunately, he sees me and rescues me down with a ladder. I asked him to bring me some food for my BG and he thankfully did. What a nice man! But what a terrible way to meet the neighbors!
-Lauren

As a Medtronic nurse educator and a person with diabetes, I always have a sharps container (biohazard container)in my car. The same container had been in my car for probably 3-4 years. After teaching a class or a patient, I would always put the needles or syringes in the sharps box.  One day I went to put something in the sharps container and I couldn’t  find it. I didn’t think about it much until the next day when I cleaned out my car and the container was no where to be found. It was so weird, it just disappeared. I thought I might have taken it inside my house, but I didn’t. The container was gone and i had no idea where it went. In the mist of me losing my sharps container, my brother got married. It was beautiful and everything that it should have been. Then a few weeks later I got a call from him.  He was concerned about something they found in one of their gift bags from the wedding.  I asked what it was. It was a large red biohazards container and he wasn’t sure if he should call the police, or if someone gave it as a joke. For a second I started thinking about what they should do with it, and then it struck me; it was MY missing sharps container! I had their gift in my car in a large sack and somehow the sharps container had fallen into it. Not only did i give them a beautiful picture frame, i gave them hazardous waste!! From that day on, every time there is a family wedding, someone asks if I am giving them a biohazards container. I laugh every time I think about it. I hope others find the humor in it as well!
-Janette

I went on the pump about 13 years ago (I think it was the Minimed 504). I was a sophomore in high school and I was already self-conscious about wearing Pagers were popular, this was before everyone had cell phones, so my pump could usually pass as a pager. Except for one day in Algebra. A boy came up to me and asked if my pump was a garage door opener.  I was dumbfounded. Why would anyone wear one on their belt? And I had never seen a garage door opener that looked at all like an insulin pump, let alone a pager. I told I wore it at all times just in case I was ever in a jam. I think I confused him more.
-Alana

Thanks for contributing, everybody! If you have more stories, contact me here.

Sincerely,

Claire Montgomery
Type 1 Diabetic, Teenage Diabetic Blogger, Funny Story Collector

and,

Everybody who contributed! A thousand thanks!

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